One of the hardest parts of becoming a parent (much less a twin parent) is finding balance in you redefined life. If you’re anything like me, anxiety is your new stalker, lurking behind every poop filled corner. Trying to keep up with your kid(s) is a full time job….more than a full time job! Yet, we still need to figure out how to care for our spouses, our houses, and who knows when the last time the poor dogs ate something not cheerio related.
I’ve been at this mom thing for a little over a year now. I know that’s not a long time in the span of mom-doms, but it feels like a life time! On the unpaved journey of mine, I’ve been able to see just how important balance in my life is and how hard it is to get there. Here are some if the things my husband and I have figured out in this past year; hopefully there are some ideas that may work for you too.
You were a wife/husband before you were a mom/dad.
Your littles are the most important thing in your life. I get that. I even agree with that. But it is SO important to remember what you had before they busted into your life. Make time to have time together. It may be cliché, but communication is key.
My husband and I utilize family to watch the boys once and a while. More often than not though, our reconnecting happens when the boys fall asleep in the car. Instead of rushing home to watch them sleep, we drive around and just talk. We talk about our current dreams and wishes. We talk about our needs. We enjoy adult conversation without interrupting toddlers. When. The boys get older we’ll make it priority to hire a sitter a few times a month, but for now this works to balance our relationship.
You were yourself before you were a wife/husband.
Rekindling your relationship is important, but I could argue that your self care is even more so. You need to get out of the house. More importantly, without anyone attached. Grab a coffee, wander Target, grocery shop, or walk the dogs (they’ve seriously had a lot of cheerios). Just take a moment to breathe.
We try hard to give each other breaks like this. My husband, I’m sure, can see a huge difference in my attitude when I haven’t had one in a while. I try to remember too that even though he flies solo at work, he deserves a brain break too. We take turns. I’ll take the boys out so he can have the house to video game it nerd out in some other way. He keeps the boys home so I can break free by myself for a bit. We both need the ‘me’ time to recharge and are much better able to give our all when we do.
It really can wait.
I struggle with the idea of a messy house. My reality, however, is that I can’t clean like I want to. When I finally accepted that it can wait, my days became much happier. Someday we will have nap time under control and I’ll be able to be productive; that day is not today. Our house is not gross. CPS will not be called. I’m not a bad mom or wife.
It can wait.
Your best is more than enough.
It’s ok to do your best. You cannot be Pinterest perfect. The chick from your mom group who has it all together is a Facebook fraud. Your kids will love you even if they’re bento lunchbox looks like a Lunchable. The dog really doesn’t mind all the cheerios.
It’s okay. I promise.